This note is funny !
Well well well..there were very few surprised people in India when the bombs went off in Delhi early this week. Infact, I hear that when an earthquake hit Delhi that same evening people thought it was another bomb blast. How funny is that? Nature and its remarkable wrath is a long forgotten threat. In a few years, natural deaths will be an unheard term, terrorist attack deaths would be the in way of dying.
The border being as porous as a roof in slum houses of Mumbai is a very alarming thought. Even more so after the innumerable terrorist attacks on the country. The country is anything but safe and continues to be in the relentless firing line of unreasonable demand keeping terrorist spunks. The country has one of the most sophisticated equipment to check on trespassers at the borders, mind you. But if we were to assume that the borders are sealed, then the problem lies within as well. Who ever they maybe, they are out to kill and fill the hearts of their leaders with glee with media articles riddled with blood. For what? Does a 100 dead people fulfill their wishes? NO ! Even if you killed all but one Indian, he would forget about your jackass attack and raise an economy that puts all the Asian countries to shame (part China, of course).
Anyway that is all the serious i can conjure and I leave you to ponder upon the nitty gritty details.
As we rock the cradle of incompetence today, we learn the steps to become a successful terrorist in India. There isn't much you have to do but there are a few general guidelines !
1. The dress code for a terrorist is very obvious. The Mumbai attack terrorists took the attire to a new level by having a combination of a hoodie with pathani salwar. You should try something more innovative and contact designers like Gucci and get a personalized outfit for your attack. There is a sense of filmipan in every aspect of life and work nowadays. So spice it up and pose for any cameras that may be around to 'shoot' you during the ordeal.
2. Choose your target location. Just when you thought that the terrorists had covered every major landmark of the country with their attacks, there came a new one, the high court !! So, remember that India is a huge country and a lot of major locations are yet to be bombed and attacked. Railway stations is for sissy terrorists because there is no security systems out there. So is an attack on the airport from a moving car. Dramatics and the extraordinary always makes the news !! So try something awesome, like for example run naked through the Taj mahal courtyard with a bomb strapped on your waist to cover your privates. The TV journalists will love you !!!
3. Get brain washed !! Take 10 ml of Nirma washing powder, mix it in a bucket full of manure and dump your head in it. Apply water if its too dry a mixture for your hair. Personally, i could never understand how anyone can say they were brain washed to an extent that they could take lives. Thats just bull shit.
4. Before your attack, give a few warnings to the Indian Government. It doesnt matter if you complete this step as the Government just doesnt give a flying fudge over threats you see.
5. Just get a gun that can fire. You really dont have to learn to fire. The country is so full of people that if you were to blast a sutli pataka on the Bombay railway station you would severely injure a couple hundred people from the resulting stampede alone ! So save money and pass cash onwards to your family who you will never see again after the attack.
6. Gettin to India before the attack is the simplest part of the procedure. India has such a wast coastline that you can hijack a boat to any part of the non surveillance shores. Get off and catch a train to a metro !! You are ready to blow a few minds away. Literally !! Welcome to India Mr. Terrorist.
7. As you reach your target location and think about the family you left behind and how the common man, woman and child of India has done them wrong, fill your mind with hate and agony over the false perception that your trainers have taught you oh so well and paint everything you see, black !
There you have it. A full proof plan to spread terror in my country. As much as it pains to go through the note again and realize all this is true, I shiver for all the people I know back home.
DICKLAMER - There is nothing we can do about the attacks, can we? We can scream and get change in the ruling party but any politician and leader, corrupt or honest, has no control over matters and issues that instigate such atrocious behavior. So all we can do is pray to the same God on whose name they kill us every other month.
PS.. Sensitive issues are a many with this kind of a note. Be gentle on the comments.
Well well well..there were very few surprised people in India when the bombs went off in Delhi early this week. Infact, I hear that when an earthquake hit Delhi that same evening people thought it was another bomb blast. How funny is that? Nature and its remarkable wrath is a long forgotten threat. In a few years, natural deaths will be an unheard term, terrorist attack deaths would be the in way of dying.
The border being as porous as a roof in slum houses of Mumbai is a very alarming thought. Even more so after the innumerable terrorist attacks on the country. The country is anything but safe and continues to be in the relentless firing line of unreasonable demand keeping terrorist spunks. The country has one of the most sophisticated equipment to check on trespassers at the borders, mind you. But if we were to assume that the borders are sealed, then the problem lies within as well. Who ever they maybe, they are out to kill and fill the hearts of their leaders with glee with media articles riddled with blood. For what? Does a 100 dead people fulfill their wishes? NO ! Even if you killed all but one Indian, he would forget about your jackass attack and raise an economy that puts all the Asian countries to shame (part China, of course).
Anyway that is all the serious i can conjure and I leave you to ponder upon the nitty gritty details.
As we rock the cradle of incompetence today, we learn the steps to become a successful terrorist in India. There isn't much you have to do but there are a few general guidelines !
1. The dress code for a terrorist is very obvious. The Mumbai attack terrorists took the attire to a new level by having a combination of a hoodie with pathani salwar. You should try something more innovative and contact designers like Gucci and get a personalized outfit for your attack. There is a sense of filmipan in every aspect of life and work nowadays. So spice it up and pose for any cameras that may be around to 'shoot' you during the ordeal.
2. Choose your target location. Just when you thought that the terrorists had covered every major landmark of the country with their attacks, there came a new one, the high court !! So, remember that India is a huge country and a lot of major locations are yet to be bombed and attacked. Railway stations is for sissy terrorists because there is no security systems out there. So is an attack on the airport from a moving car. Dramatics and the extraordinary always makes the news !! So try something awesome, like for example run naked through the Taj mahal courtyard with a bomb strapped on your waist to cover your privates. The TV journalists will love you !!!
3. Get brain washed !! Take 10 ml of Nirma washing powder, mix it in a bucket full of manure and dump your head in it. Apply water if its too dry a mixture for your hair. Personally, i could never understand how anyone can say they were brain washed to an extent that they could take lives. Thats just bull shit.
4. Before your attack, give a few warnings to the Indian Government. It doesnt matter if you complete this step as the Government just doesnt give a flying fudge over threats you see.
5. Just get a gun that can fire. You really dont have to learn to fire. The country is so full of people that if you were to blast a sutli pataka on the Bombay railway station you would severely injure a couple hundred people from the resulting stampede alone ! So save money and pass cash onwards to your family who you will never see again after the attack.
6. Gettin to India before the attack is the simplest part of the procedure. India has such a wast coastline that you can hijack a boat to any part of the non surveillance shores. Get off and catch a train to a metro !! You are ready to blow a few minds away. Literally !! Welcome to India Mr. Terrorist.
7. As you reach your target location and think about the family you left behind and how the common man, woman and child of India has done them wrong, fill your mind with hate and agony over the false perception that your trainers have taught you oh so well and paint everything you see, black !
There you have it. A full proof plan to spread terror in my country. As much as it pains to go through the note again and realize all this is true, I shiver for all the people I know back home.
DICKLAMER - There is nothing we can do about the attacks, can we? We can scream and get change in the ruling party but any politician and leader, corrupt or honest, has no control over matters and issues that instigate such atrocious behavior. So all we can do is pray to the same God on whose name they kill us every other month.
PS.. Sensitive issues are a many with this kind of a note. Be gentle on the comments.
