HOW TO BECOME RAJNIKAnTH !
by Shashiraj Singh on Monday, August 29, 2011 at 9:10pm
By the recent poll, the masses (if u can call 50 people a mass..ok lol) would prefer a note on how to become Rajnikanth ! At first I thought, is it even possible? With so many 'facts' about his invincibility and awesomeness, does anyone really stand a chance to be a Rajnikanth?
But after a long thought over the matter (roughly 2 minutes) I came to the conclusion that "Yes, maybe there is a chance".
Before we begin with the steps, there is, as always, something serious that i would want to write about the great man. Stardom aside, that man is a gem. A down to earth celebrity. A man who does not shy away from his age and looks. Why do is ay that, you ask? Quite simple...The guy is bald ! But does he sport a wig or a toupee, like so many of the other stars do? (Amitabh Bachhan). No ! I guess stardom and celebrity status never got to his head. Which is strange because if people were washing my building sized posters with milk before the release of my note I would turn into one ego filled jackass (maybe).
But Rajnikanth, does none of that !! A genuine man who goes about his life as normally as you and me. Respect for that.
Enough of the mushy stuff ! Lets get to business and rock the cradle of incompetence once again. Though Rajni is anythin but incompetent. The steps to become Rajnikanth are !!!
1. Dress up like a cowboy. It dont matter that its going to be 40 degrees Celsius outside and you will be dripping sweat from places you that usually are used for excretion purposes. Or for that matter the dress code for the town has been lungi and banyan since a thousand years. You gotta look different. There is no way in hell you can be a Rajni and walk around like the common man ! And if someone gives you the smack talk, do some karate you learnt at Kutty's Karate classes and scare him by saying a patent dialogue. The patent dialogue is discussed in the next step.
2. As you are faced with an opposition and you have managed to pin him to the floor with your awesome karate moves thanks to Uncle Kutty, you have to speak your patent dialogue. This dialogue does not have to be meaningful. HELL! It can mean nothing. But its all in the attitude with which it is said. Things like 'yana rascala, mind it' can bring laughs at many comedy shows, but when Rajni says it to his prey, the prey farts so loudly grains of sands change their location. SO !!! make what ever you may !! BUT say it LIKE you mean IT !!
3. Invent a way to put on glasses ! And this should be something that should look cool ! A lot of shoof shaaf shiif sound effects while you are it will help the cause as we all know that while putting on sun glasses they make that kinda noise as they bisect air ! End that movement with a colgate ad like smile. A million girls will have just rasam the following week to get thin for you ! Rasam with rice leads to pot bellys as we all know!
4. Alter your gait as you wander through the streets. The new gait should be like you have a tennis ball in between your thighs and it has spaced out your legs. Rocking your hands back and forth like you don't care is the order of the day. These walk coupled with your hip shades make for a cool dude. More importantly, a Rajni dude.
5. Find a reason to get pissed. This can be someone teasing your sister in the streets or anyones sister for that matter. You just want to get pissed, thats all. A mother's pain through it all just amplifies the whole scenario creating the monster called rajni.
6. Be freakin creative !! Suppose there is a big wall and goon is on top of it. (refer figure 1 below) and you cannot get an angle to shoot the goon. Your sister is on the other side and you have to kill the goon to get across. Throw one of your pistols in the air. Shoot from the other pistol so that the bullet hits the trigger of the pistol thrown up in air, which makes the pistol in air, fire and kill the Goon ! HOW BRILLIANT ARE YOU !!!
7. You may turn 60 and have kids who are married with 3 kids themselves. But you will not give up on your 'jawani' and call it a day. Because Rajni cannot breathe easy until all evil is removed from the world. Flirt with women who have just hit the legal age to sing duets in fields and kiss under vibrating flowers !! Whats the age that man stops being potent, anyone?
There you have it !! The Guide to being Rajnikanth !!! And they say "when God said 'let there be light' rajni said 'say please'". These steps will put you somewhere close to being a powerful being that was supposed to be God but instead became human by mistake !!
DICKLAMER ! I am a big fan of people who have their feet firmly on the floor even after so much success. Which is why i respect Rajni from my dil ! Infact i have noticed that most of the people from down south are really down to earth. Maybe all the nice ones came to the 'Gelf'. But whatever be the case ! Respect to all my southies ! Cheers !
If you have been tagged out of the blue..please dont be scared ! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chilli-Jalebi-Blog/152486048170175 .. i dont bite on negative comments !!!
the MAN !!!
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